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| very short cause i gotta sleep.
FL Senate Bill 6 horrible horrible assumptions and jsut plain stupid
I failed at studying again, just paid for UF dorm app, emailed colleges again, and did History hw.....I need to study
ok good night, protest tomorrow
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| Sunday, 1:30 AM
Colleges, regrets, programs, calculator, truth school, grad bash, study schedule
Alright well 1st things 1st. My plan was to come home at 3 and do hw till 5, then study for school.
I left for church, was really sleepy as always. Ate Wendys, they messed up my order but i don't care.
-Fast Food: is SOO Stupid. We pay $5 for a salad or a meal of 1 burger, 1 fries, and 1 soda. When I can get 2 sandwiches, 1 fries, and 1 soda for $4!!!! Cheaper and Fatter. Is that smart? Budget wise, yes. Obesity wise, no!
P.S. WHY IS A SMALL FRENCH FRY THE SAME $$ AS A SODA OR A BURGER?!?!? Aggravating...
Okay then got home at 2 so planned to sleep till 3, never works.... Slept till 4/5 PM. Finished Econ Hw. Started Physics hw, like always said forget that and did half. Ate dinner and starting putting games on my calculator. Going to sleep probably 2:30-3 AM I need to sleep at like 12 at latest... :(
SAD point, I can't go to my LAST truth school because I have grad bash that weekend. Which sort of collide with my point of view, that God is worth more than everything in the world, so I feel like I SHOULD go to truth school because I need God, but I WANT to go to Grad Bash because it's a once in a lifetime experience. Oh and So is my bro's graduation!!!
Which leads me to UF, I want to go during the summer like everyone's telling me to and I want to apply to Honors program, but it's too late for both and I emailed them, but they wont get back till at least tomorrow. I realize I have little follow through or thoroughness with what I do and I need to start to work harder. Like UF, I knew about applications to Honors, but i forgot and never applied thinking i could/should wait till Acceptances came out in April 1st. I need to check my FAFSA for my number in case I need it. I need to find out what the Selective Service is. I need to research more about Swarthmore and UF so I know just what I should/can do when/if I go there, but its just like this sort of information is hidden from me cause its never easy to find!!! I don't want to go to Drexel, IDK WHY maybe cause of the dragon mascot, maybe cause I feel like its not as good of a place as UF, but I just don't. I feel like I might regret that just as I have regretted many of my life decisions.
AGAIN I need to work on scholarships, I HAVE NONE from what I know now, which is nothing. I guess I'll just go back to that scholarship website and write some essays, then maybe go to some college forums and ask for some advice? idk I'm so unorganized... :(
3 full free days, with little hw and what have I done? Finished english/economics/physics hw? HORRIBLE :'( I thought I changed, I thought I would work harder...I'm just not. I still haven't truly made a scheduled outline for studying! Maybe i'll be more focused in school? I doubt it. Oh and I want to find some programs that are possibly free to go out and do something, idk what, idk how, but I feel like I need to do something to make up for all the opportunities I lost.
Well the plan tomorrow is school/study, work, hw, STUDY STUDY STUDY, hopefully, sleep before midnight?
Idk i put myself down before I even start...that's not a good thing
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| 1st day to study for exams.....
Woke up at 12 cause i didn't sleep till 3 AM last night :( Ruined my schedule, but hate AWESOME dreams that I don't remember
Ate lunch/Breakfast, and checked my websites etc...till 5/6 PM dunno how that happened
Left to Home meeting at simon's house, played games and ate dinner till 8.
Well I began working on the Death of a Salesman poster timeline from 2-5 pm, but really finished it after i got home from 8-midnight. I think my poster is pretty awesome like nicely structured.
Right now wasting time because I don't want to sleep, but i want to dream. Because I want to do something fun, but there isn't anything fun to do. The whole day i've telling myself to change, to start studying, but making excuses and procrastinating.
I'm planning to finish my physics hw tomorrow, i guess translate my spanish hw, and complete all 3 quizzes of ch 37 on Economics website..in an hour if not 2, from 3-5 PM.
Morning 9-3PM is breakfast, church, lunch. 3-5 hw. AND I HOPE, I WISH, I NEED to start studying by getting the outlines for all my AP and IB classes and starting the first section, writing a proper study book, but we'll see.
I began my life, setting high expectations for myself and I did well, I don't remember ever meeting those expectations, but I did well. Not meeting the expectations came as a toll as I began lowering my expectations under the belief that I would be happier if I completed what I expected of myself...didn't work. I began to work less and care less, making even my lowered expectations impossible to reach. Now I just don't even know what to think. Talking with others...They advise me, They try to help. I know what they says is true, I know what will help me, but I just can't help myself i don't know why. Now I'm getting brainwashed that it might be my background's fault, that I grew up in the kind of environment that led me to ultimately fail, but I don't believe that, I don't wan to believe that. I know I can do better, the only thing stopping myself is me, nothing and no one else has affected me other than by me allowing that to happen...I hate being around people better than me, but I enjoy being around smarter people because more interesting opportunities and events happen.
I'm just a contradictory, chaotic jumble and I wish I could reorganize myself and my living the way I have imagined..Good night 2:00 AM
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| Hey hopefully there's no one here reading this anymore?
I'ma just write whatever i feel or want from now on...hopefully
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| Hey the tiny tiny few probably one subscriber of mine who looks at the nothingness in my blog
i am blocking myself from addictions such as this, facebook, myspace etc. Hence im trying to
be a better person ok bye bye email me if anything
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